Ever wondered how it feels to be really passionate about
something? Ever know how it feels to see the ship you build sinking away, and
to feel helpless all along while you see it go down? Ever felt that you really
need to go out there, lift those heavy logs, give your part of strength, time,
so that you could be the architect of that change? Ever know how it feels after
the storm has passed away? If yes, then which side were you on, the side where
you felt proud of yourself, that you could make your impression in some small
way, to bring about a change, a change which you so desperately needed to see?
Or were you on that other side, where you were again just that mere spectator
of the things going on, and you were helpless and are still now?
I have myself been in both situations a lot of times, more
so on the wrong side than the right one. These things usually strike you when
you are sitting alone, wondering what the heck is going on, and then suddenly
out of nowhere, you see that far away light, a light which makes you believe in
life again. Somehow, you feel energized, you feel you are the one who has been
sent down to bring about that one change, which will totally create a new
system in which there will be nothing wrong ever. But alas, that is only a
dream. You are shaken back to reality the moment you see it all happen, and you
feel like you could have done so much, but you did nothing, once again as always!
Given all this, I still feel that there are times when we do
get that instant feeling that well, wow, look what I did! Maybe it’s not you
who did it completely, and may be its not the way you exactly planned it out to
be too, but still it gives you a sense of pride! And I am happy to feel so
today, cause I feel I lived that feeling just a few days back.
If you follow this regularly, then you know that I have been
coaching a kids team recently. Its nothing much, but it does help me stay
connected to the game, and it gives a new dimension to the game. It helps me
nurture myself as a player and a person too. So it is totally worth it. At
times, it makes you want to bang your head against the wall, at times, it
catches you off-guard, and sometimes, it is just another beautiful feeling
(which come by so rare now a days).
So it went on this way. I have been working with these kids
for 8 weeks now, and now I am in a good
rapport with them. They too are their own usual selves around me, so the
initial fear on both sides is a little low now. I know what I can expect from
them, they know what they want for themselves, so it is working well. The
motion is a lot smoother now, than what it was for the first two weeks!
We haven’t been having the best of seasons, as far as
scoring goes, but we are still doing really well, thanks to some great improvement
on some kid’s parts. They are now more focused while playing, and enjoy a lot
during the whole game. They have started understanding and appreciating the
game, both as a player and as a substitute, which I feel is a very big
achievement. They can correctly point out to the errors they are making. And
accepting the error as we all know, is half the battle won!
Improvements come in the form of dedication, understanding,
respecting and enjoying the game. And I feel really good about the fact that I do
have some role (even if it’s a very small role) to play in all this.
So as always, our match commenced, and we started the game.
The scoring is usually not a big factor. But I like to see that you give your
100 percent to whatever you always are supposed to do. I often get angered or
troubled by the fact that something’s sometimes are taken too lightly, and this
doesn’t go well with me. Inspite of knowing that scoring is not adhered to, we
all know that subconsciously, we always have that going on. And this happens to
everyone, even to the players on the field. So by half time, I found myself
with a team 0-6 down. And I don’t know why, but I was really pissed with the
way my boys were performing. Now I was supposed to keep it down, but I couldn't and my half time talk was a little hot and angered. I tried to control, but I couldn't. And this kind of stuff doesn’t happen a lot to me, I mean, like one
of my player rightly pointed out to me while I was giving my angered talk
(actually it so happened, that I told them all to drop all their half time
snacks and come immediately to me, cause I needed to talk to them. One of the
kids asked me, are you angry? I said well yea, I am. Aren’t you? And he said
no, it’s just a game! And bewildered as I was, I realized too that well yea, it
is just a game!). Why then was I so angry? I was angry not because of the score line, but the way
they reacted to the score. There was a possible lack of interest about their
whole demeanor. And like I said, I just hate this behavior, wherein there is no
passion within you to prove anything at all in the thing you are doing. Atleast
try your best, and go down trying, but atleast give it your best?
And hence, I didn’t stop myself. I made it clear what I
wanted, I made it clear that this is certainly not how I want the team to play.
I said I will make big changes, but it won’t help, cause it is not that you
guys don’t have it in you, its just that you don’t want to. So go out there and
play your hearts out, before complaining that you are losing every game! I had
lost it, and I could feel eyes on me, trying to question what I was doing. I
gave them a hard talk, a little animated, a little agitated. And they got no
rest, cause I went to one on ones after this. No one got a compliment (maybe
this was wrong, but I was really worked up). And soon enough, the whistle went
off for the second half.
And in a space of two minutes, I could feel the difference.
I could feel the life in each of them, trying to prove themselves. I was really
proud that even if not long lasting, they were somehow reacting to something. I
don’t care if it was my speech, or something they felt on their own, but they
were delivering. Throughout the full half, I didn’t make a single comment,
other than substituting the kids once in a while. At the end, the score stood
at 4-6. We lost, but we fought hard, and we fought well. And it was my proudest
moment to see my kids come out with heads held high. I think such defeats are
sweeter than insane victories. I think it makes you happier, and helps you
understand the struggle part of every battle you fight. It helps you understand
your own faults, look into yourself, change/ tweak a few things here and there
(mainly the attitude) and then see the change for yourself.
There are times when you want to know what you are all
about, just for your own confirmation, just for your own proof, and I think
this one surely counts as one of mine!
