Gag bag

Chitra Singh

This is just one of those shitty posts you feel like posting cause some random thought came to your mind. There is nothing noteworthy about this post, nor is it going to affect anyone’s life in any small way. It is just going to stay as some random collection of words for eternity hereon (or atleast until Blogspot keeps hosting this). If at all we were to be ever invaded by some other living/non-living form, and one of their researchers lays its hands on this piece of garbage, then it might get stumped at first sight at the randomness or the sheer nonsense of thoughts being put into writ. But then again, it may just think of this as the missing piece of some stupid puzzle they think humans are, and might go after deciphering it for years to come, during which they put all their resources into just trying to understand the context or situation under which a human might be provoked into writing such an article. During this time, they might end up neglecting all other tasks or ways in which they could have progressed and hence they might fall behind in the race to make it to the top of the food/power pyramid. Eventually, the small settlement of humans who had evaded captivity might catch up and destroy/vanquish these life forms and thus get the power back. Some human might then go about into looking for clues as to why the life forms gave up progress and ended up losing to a small group of humans whom they should have easily defeated, and in his/her quest to find the real answer, might end up with this article as the missing piece of the puzzle which so might be boggling them at that time. So a not so great/ utter rubbish article might suddenly end up taking a whole lot of importance in the years to come and thus will one day end up on a handmade paper with black calligraphic ink inside a frame made of solid gold sitting proudly on top of the tower depicting victory of humans over other life forms. Such is the deep philosophy with which the text you might end up reading is written.

So yes, coming back to the statement the heading makes, a good coffee and a bad coffee. Do you ever feel like you have a good coffee and a bad coffee day? I have always enjoyed coffee as something of a sinful experience with lots of sugar and whipped cream and chocolate sauce and cream rather than the “eye-opener” people view it as. For me, coffee has always been a way to laze around, relax, enjoy at the end of the day. Since I started working however, I have realized that the primary purpose of coffee is exactly the opposite. It is supposed to be everything other than a concoction of gustatory indulgence. It is supposed to be this bitter, strong, hot, non-creamy watery piece of brown water which wakes you up even if you are half asleep and puts you into turbo/overdrive mode. It acts like these toothpicks which keep your eyelids open and don’t allow you to sleep and with every sip you take, it sends a shock-wave down your spine which makes you shiver as if you are expelling the last fluid dram of renal waste. It is supposed to be an experience which takes all your pain and anguish and boredom away from you since now all you think and care about is the coffee which you have to keep gulping to bury the taste of the last gulp you took.

Hence, when I took the first cup of coffee, I was blown away in disbelief with the kind of liquid people make themselves go through with just to keep awake. A better, and a more tried and tested way to keep awake is to sleep better and to wake up to nice and happy and blue sky day. But then, that is not always possible, and hence we come to the good coffee part.

So yes, when I was exposed to this cup of coffee, my faith in coffee totally decimated, since for about two days, I couldn't get myself around the horrible taste to which I was put to trial. When much fluoride toothpaste was used, and a lot of gum was chewed, and when my tongue no longer could feel the burn on its edges, I was willing to wade into the coffee waters again. This time though, I was going with my own weapons. Sugar, cream and lots of sugar and cream. And yes, cream and sugar! When there was just the that’s-its-perfect-level of coffee which I wanted, I sat down, and took one sip, and for about 1 minute, was spellbound with wonder. The taste left me in a place which hasn't been christened as yet for absence of words which portray the beauty of the land. For about 30 minutes from then on, I was on such high spirits, nothing could bring me down. And then, just as it was there, it was gone. The cup was totally empty and no optimist or pessimist could say otherwise. Everyone was brought back to level earth and I was there, waiting for it to be 3 O clock when I could fill myself another cup.

Come 3 O clock and I promptly got up and went to the thermos that was just recently filled with freshly brewed hot coffee. It had a nice post-it with a label saying “I fell”, something which might confuse the virgin, but to the expert eye, it quickly said that it was the French Roast. It proudly sat next to another thermos with a similar looking post-it saying “It took years and years to build this one”, which again was quickly reduced to Italian Roast to the trained eye. I promptly went ahead, filled my cup with a “Ho-Ho-Ho” (Christmas blend, just in case you missed this one), looking around with an air of arrogance towards those who in my mind hadn't quite deciphered the true meaning and taste of coffee and sighing loudly in sympathy towards the ignorant. I then proceeded to add my dash and dots of sugar and cream, whipped out a stirrer from amongst the bunch of other stirrers and plopped it into the white and black drink and stirred till I saw the familiar coffee color. With an aroma that tingled my nostrils, I hopped back to my desk and sat down whilst taking in the first sip. As the liquid touched my tongue, there arose an opportune moment to tell one of the most interesting stories of all times…

There lived this poor girl, let us call her Aarohi. (This is the point where you start to get suspicious). She was blessed with a beautiful voice, but alas, the politics in the music industry were cruel and it did not allow for new young talent to come out and shine without any fee or demands in return. Gone were the days when talent was acknowledged for just what it was. Today, to rise to any point of fame and glory, you needed to sell your soul. Being the sweet good natured girl that she was, she stuck to singing at random hotels and night clubs to earn her daily bread. Her income was low, but she had high aspirations, but the absence of the silver spoon meant years on end at the same dodgy place unless a miracle occurred.

Come one night, and a guy walked in, let's call him Rahul. (The suspicion multiplies). He sat there with a drink in his hand, spellbound by the song which fell on his ears. He had listened to and sung many renditions of the same song, but none of them had touched his heart the way this one did. He listened to it in complete blank out mode for while it lasted, and then walked up to the singer. He asked her to leave all her current contracts with the night clubs and the bars, and to walk into a recording studio to make her very own album. She couldn't believe what she had heard, and was shy and wary at first, but as she gave in, she tasted blood and that was the point where she herself started dreaming of making it big with her own successful album.

Up until this point, her position was just like mine, where she had everything built up, and she was about to taste the coffee.

But then something happened. Rahul never called her to audition, never answered her calls back, never ever replied to the texts. Days went by, days turned to months and months almost 3 months, and still there was no reply. (Wait, I have already heard of this story somewhere!). She had left her only source of income for this, and hence her saving were taking a hit big big time. She cried and cried but to no avail. Life had been a bitch, by showing her a ray of hope but quickly covering it back with a cloud of disbelief and unfaithfulness. (Are you even listening to me? I am just crying out here).

And just as shattered and devastated as she remained, a similar feeling dawned over me. I was taken back once again to the place where nothing is good and happy and there is nothing but disgust which fills you. Whatever castles of gold I had made up in my mind came crashing down like a house of cards. The whole 3 hours thereon were spent in trying to understand just what went wrong. The coffee was correct, the sugar the cream were present, the temperature was just right, the cup was the same, the stirrer was the same material. The ambient temperature and humidity was maintained and taken care of by the air conditioner. So what was it that changed?

The next day arrived, and I was careful in making the morning coffee, and to my luck, it took my back to the land of the blessed, where days are warmer and longer, and flowers and trees bloom all around the year, the air has this sweet scent and the animals roam freely and live cohesively. But the evening spelt disaster once again. The storms shattered another coffee build up, and the lightning kept cracking till the next day arrived.

Days have come and gone, and on some days I thought I was so close to the correct recipe for the perfect cup. But just when I started to think that I had it, some evening coffee or some morning brew killed it. I have tried different blends, different brews, different roasts, changed the sugar and cream proportions, heated and reheated but to no avail. A given cup of coffee just cannot be judged till it is actually sipped, and no matter how perfect you are in your lead up to it, if it is not going to be, it won’t be.

A coffee is a coffee, it should always be the same. But my thoughts on this form changing, taste blending unfaithful bean are just becoming more and more random and weird and deep, like that of a jilted lover who was shown the world of happiness and suddenly had everything snatched away from him. Coffee is just the same but so much different.. Coffee is… Well, its coffee..

poem

Sher

1:01:00 PM

2014

2013 – A review

6:16:00 PM

As I begin the new year, it’s a good time to look back to the older year and see what it did for me. There were a lot of memories and moments I collected along the way, and it is always nice to review them in a different light, than while living the moments. Many things look emotional while living them, but as you progress through, you start getting the hang of things, and then start putting these things into context. And once there, you suddenly feel or see them a lot differently than what you began with. I won’t say that this is not going to make me emotional, but it certainly going to give me a new hope and vigor, things which I seemed I had lost forever.

So let us embark on a journey through time.

There are so many moments you feel you want to go back and change, cause they just hit you so bad. But this year was pretty eventful in that I wouldn’t go back to change anything. Things started coming on, and I started accepting things on face value. I normally think a lot about things, about how it affects my own life and the life of others around me, but this year made me strong and a little reticent in that scenario. It made me oblivious to the facts around me. It made me see things only with the sense of self satisfaction. I think as you start growing up, you start realizing that the world around is made up of people who are willing to stop at nothing to achieve that glory of whatever they want. Be it money, fame or otherwise. But once they have that in sight, they will pull legs, hurt others, break bonds to get there. As you look around in your professional life, you start realizing that this is how the world behaves, no matter what you think of it. You see it in the famous and the celebrities, that though full of controversy, they will still go through with the weirdest of things. And I learned that this is how it must be. Hence, this year, I went about getting things to make me happy. And I must say, it is one of the most rewarding ways to live. It just keeps on making you happier, at the cost of others, and though I wouldn’t enjoy it, I think it is starting to seep in that you have to live like a robot. That you don’t have to think much about others, just go gung ho in achieving personal success.

But then there are things which make you forget all this crap, cause as you know, this doesn’t help you at all. It gives you momentary happiness, but today, sitting here at the start of a new year, it feels all lame. So I learned that though people struggle to make it to the top by hook or by crook, it isn’t fun at all. It is more fun to sit back, relax, enjoy the moments completely. Life is too short to keep fighting and making excuses. The fact is, if you are unhappy, you are going to keep trying to blame things around you. But you have to be happy on your own, and till you achieve that, you are never going to enjoy anything. You are going to have to struggle throughout your life, and I pity these people, cause they haven’t realized the real meaning of life. All the best to such people.

To me, the month of January started with a blast. This was the second time in a few months’ time that I got to interact with kids. This time, as part of a play/ fun/ creative workshop. Kids make you feel young, and you love to be surrounded by living beings who are living life for its own value, and not just to update Facebook/ write blogs/ make updates, comments/ or for others. Kids are very innocent and honest, and they give you the straight answer. Being surrounded by a bunch of these is I think the most rewarding thing I have come across. And it caught on so much, that I went on to make this a regular thing. I signed up to be a voluntary Soccer coach from there on, taking a lesson from this 2 hour workshop. And it has been the best thing I have chosen to do till now without doubt. It is doubly rewarding, since it combines my love for football too. Hence, I now make 8-10 young new friends every 6 months. :)

I also signed up for regular soccer matches myself, to keep myself fit and in touch with the game. I joined an indoor league, and found out that I now made 10-20 more friends. My network was suddenly increasing, and I realized the advantages of going outside your own small world to a bigger world, where people are more skilled, with a different set of ideas and inspirations. It plays such a big part in forming you, and I am amazed at the kind of people I would have missed out if I hadn’t tried this out. The best thing coming out of this is that I now get to play regular soccer 3 times a week, with some of the best players in the bay area. My own game has improved a lot, thanks to all these guys. In order to fare better, I began practicing on my own, working out on my own to improve my strength. And it has all been rewarding in itself.

My nephew has been a big part of my life this year. I think this is the first kid I am watching grow up at an age where I can appreciate the process of growing up. My world just started revolving around him. The moment he calls out, or shows in some way that he knows me, it is the best feeling in the world. To be appreciated by someone that young takes a lot, and the feeling is amazing. Every day, there is something new which goes on in his life, and each and every thing is just as enthralling.

Life at work is wonderful too. Work itself accounts for almost 1/3 of every day, which in itself accounts for almost 100 days. I am lucky to be blessed with a great work environment, and I think that itself makes up for most of the pleasures! So many things have been possible because of this, and I am very thankful for everything I have here. I got to speak to bigger and better people, I got to talk to customers, and field engineers. I got to venture out of my way to understand them. I left work at 2am, I left work at 2pm. I ate and slept at work at times. So many things happened and it was all due to work.

I got to visit places, see some wonderful football matches, root for teams live in the stadium, all thanks to this year. Some of the best trips were formulated this year. Although the places were just as important, I still very much hold on to the fact that it’s the people who make the trip rather than the place. In that, I was lucky enough to find like-minded people who are always ready to share a laugh. I always used to hate the fact that there are so many people in the world. Today, I am somehow thankful that there are so many. It just gives you an ample choice to choose from, and then you pick and keep the ones you want, without worrying about the rest. It helps keep yourself sane.

I tried out many new things, and it has helped me appreciate so many more things. I started playing tennis, I started playing golf, got bored, left it, restarted it. I started skating, I broke bones, healed and then broke them again. It just helps you appreciate life for what it is and much more. I built a custom machine, I got to see how components combine together, and how they affect a certain characteristic of a system. I started appreciating technology for what it is. I could now bring about changes in a system and could appreciate the change based on the performance. An experience surely worth mentioning!

I got so much better at video games. I got better at general knowledge. I got better at cooking and cleaning. I got better at managing my own space and my own money. I think this is more of a continuous thing each person goes through, but nonetheless, I got through with it too :)

I got to meet some future stars, and spend a long time with them, see them in a lighter moment.

I always had inhibitions and a sense of lethargy to meet new people. But if I hadn’t broken my shackles, I would never have done this. So this is something else I feel I have grown in. Interacting with these people has helped me in new things. Simple things like appreciating new music, new movies and new places. It doesn’t mean you have to change, but it gives you an opportunity. Eventually the golden rule remains, be good and good things always happen to you.

Somehow everything becomes serene as the year draws to an end. You listen to stories and things which happen to other people, and consider yourself fortunate for not having to face all that. The cold makes it even more dark and torturing. But then come 25^th and 31^st December, and you see the hope and the light again. The days start becoming bigger, warmer and hopeful. The fireworks create a display, and you feel that whatever has happened has taught you things which can be carried into the next year. With this feeling, I will surely embark into 2014 without any remorse, and a sense of pride for the accomplishments throughout.

hope

Hope

12:21:00 AM

As aptly put, "Hope is that little voice in your mind which says maybe, when the whole world says no". Hope is a force, it drives things when everything else seems futile. It keeps you awake and alive and clinging on, when even the sanest person around says that its impossible. In a way, hope is responsible for everything that happens around us.

Is hope good? Well, yes and no. To give light to this thought, let us consider certain scenarios. Hope at times makes you do the weirdest things possible. It makes you take the harder path when you can clearly see a more easier and simpler solution just ahead of you. Why you say? Cause you hope that it will still turn out as good, or maybe even better than it seemed possible.

You are playing a game of football (soccer). You are two on one with the keeper, and have your own team mate to your side. From your angle, it seems really impossible to score, but if you lay it off to your team mate, he/ she can easily score the goal. Do you go for the shot anyway? Well, depends on your frame of mind at that point. But if you consider taking a shot, you are audacious in the sense that you hoped that you would score and take the credit/ laurels that come along with it.

At times, I am driving my car, and right ahead of me, there is some slow crappy driver who doesn't get going on traffic lights, drives way too slowly, and is basically just not worth staying behind. What would you do? Honk? That seems like the only good option. Or well, you could always change lanes and overtake him. But what do I choose? I chose to stay behind this car, without honking, giving into the slow and boring ride. Why you ask? Cause I just hoped that maybe that guy is playing a game and will eventually reward the one person who did not honk and stuck behind the irritating ride although there were better options. This thought itself is insane, but then that is how hope gets us going. At the weirdest places, and the most inopportune times.

You own a bunch of stocks. You know that one of your stocks is doing really well. You keep track of it everyday, and then eventually come to a point where you decide well, you are making an unprecedented profit on it, and so you have to sell them. Do you? Well maybe not. Cause as humans, we are hopeful since our birth. We keep promising ourselves, that well, if it reaches 50, I am just going to sell everything. But then it comes to 50, crosses 60, and there you are, still sitting on your stocks, making new promises that you will sell them at 65 next. And its a loop you can't get yourself out of. Same goes with gambling. Its the hope that you will get a full house or 4 of a kind when all the statisticians went hoarse shouting that the probabilities are so so bleak, that you would rather dig up at a place and oil starts pouring out (not that low, but whatever).

Hope however is good too. It makes you not give up. When something bad is going on, you hang on to that slightest possibility that all of this is just a dream, a prank being played by someone, and then everything will be just fine. You know you are screwed, that there is no digging back. But then, how else can you keep yourself going? You have to hope for the best.

You are studying for the exam. You know there is no way you are completing your syllabus in time before the exam. You look at the index, and see that there are 6 main chapters, and then as the days start turning to hours and the hours start turning to minutes, you count the pages and then divide them by the number of hours and so on. All in the hope that you are going to complete everything in time, and then even if something is left behind, the exam will be only on those chapters which you did well. Eventually the exam begins, you start solving and after the exam is done, you start counting the total marks you attempted and count the possible score you might get. You count and recount, hoping against all hopes that the person checking your papers will not heed much and would be in a good mood so that he/ she just gives out marks without reading the answers. You hope that there is some calculation mistake, and that you get more than you even attempted. After all of this, you walk out of the exam hall smiling and with your head held high firmly believing that you will go through unscathed. That is, until the results arrive. :)

Are we good with hope or are we good without hope? I think without hope, we would be just a bunch of sad robots. I believe in hope and I think its important to keep believing in something which drives and pushes us on. Its good to keep believing in the fact that underneath everyone, hidden in a small small corner of the heart, there is goodness and humanity. And even though on the outside, they may behave like animals and freaks, there is that chance, that possibility that maybe, just maybe, they may show up with that good side of theirs. That they might behave in a good way. Which is why we don't let go off people. Which is why we keep believing in them. Which is why there are rehabilitation homes even for the most horrific people. Cause the whole point is in getting that inner good person out. All of us have a good and evil side. But then we choose to be evil with some people with no rhyme or reason. Or at least, we choose not to give a reason. But then without hope, the whole world would turn against each other, cause no one would trust anyone else, no person would forgive or would ever approach someone with a helping hand.

People would no longer love/ like anyone else. So many things keep happening in the world just because people have faith in humanity. People believe in one another with the hope that they are telling the truth. Without this basis, the whole world would come tumbling down. The whole restaurant business works on faith. That you would take a seat, have food, and not walk out without paying. The whole idea of marriage works on hope. That you would love someone, get married, and not walk out when a tiny bit goes wrong. Friendships, relations work on hope. That you would not leave your people at the weirdest times, and that you will be there at any point for them without expecting anything back in return. Is it really about not expecting anything back in return? I guess its more of, you need me now, and in the same way, if I ever do need you, please be there for me. It is like a token you keep passing within yourself, and hope that eventually everything just evens out. Because you don't want to be burdened by someone else's goodwill too.

Hope is a shining light. If you choose to be hopeful, you can keep a smiling face no matter what happens. You keep believing in yourself and eventually that is what is needed to make it in the world. If you lose all your hope, you will cripple and wilt and eventually give up.

Never give up. You never know what tomorrow might bring for you! So keep hoping for the best..

life

Relax, and party hard

12:59:00 AM

death

Little girl

2:34:00 AM

Gag bag

Mitti da bawa

Good coffee, Bad coffee

Sher

2013 – A review

Hope

Relax, and party hard

Little girl

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